An incident that happened to Stephen Covey on the New York subway one Sunday morning. Covey tells the story: “I remember a small paradigm shift that I experienced one Sunday morning on the New York subway . The passengers were sitting quietly in their seats: one was reading a newspaper, another was thinking about something, and the third was closing his eyes, resting. It was quiet and peaceful around me. Suddenly a man and his children got into the car. The children were screaming so loudly, playing pranks that the atmosphere in the car immediately changed.
The man sat on the seat next to me and closed his eyes, not paying attention to what was happening around him. The children were screaming, running back and forth, throwing things at each other, even snatching the passengers’ newspapers. It was unbearable. Meanwhile, the man sitting next to me was not doing anything.
It was impossible to hide his anger. It was impossible to believe that one could be so callous, to let one's children misbehave, to ignore it as if nothing was happening. It was not difficult to notice that all the passengers in the carriage were also angry.
In short, in the end, I leaned towards him and said (in my opinion, quite calmly and carefully):
- Sir, listen, your children are disturbing so many people. Can't you call them to order?
The man looked at me as if he had just woken up from a dream and did not understand what was happening, and said in a low voice:
- Oh, yes, you are right. Perhaps something should be done. We are coming from the hospital, where their mother died only an hour ago. My thoughts are confused, and perhaps they are also not finding their place after all this.
Can you imagine how I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw everything differently and began to think differently, feel differently, behave differently. It was as if I had never been angry.
Now I no longer needed to control either my attitude towards that person or my behavior. My heart was filled with a feeling of sympathy for him. My words of sympathy and compassion gained freedom.
- Did your wife die? Oh, forgive me, for the love of God. How did that happen? Can I help you with anything?
In an instant, everything changed.”
Many people experience such a shift in thinking if they are faced with a life-threatening situation, when they immediately see their advantages in a different light, or if they are forced to act in a new role for themselves: husband or wife, parent or grandparent, leader or manager.
It becomes obvious that in order to achieve small changes in life, we can improve our location and behavior. And if a significant, qualitative change is needed, it is necessary to work with our basic paradigms.
That is why, when people around you demonstrate certain negative behavior towards you or in general, which was not characteristic of them before, try to understand what is the reason for these changes - you or other circumstances, and in this case you will react to their behavior in a completely different way.
Source: Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People"